As a teacher and a mother of a two year old, I deal with power struggles on a daily basis. I remember reading something about how a toddler's brain is in conflict every two to three minutes. I'm not sure if I've ever heard anything more real in my life.
To keep my sanity and to make sure that I'm encouraging healthy behaviors in my students and my son, I'm constantly trying to figure out how to build good habits of motivations in kids. In my search for information, I came across an article in Psychology Today by Dr. Michael Mascolo, titled What Really Motivates Kids. The article discussed the ideas of how parents use rewards, punishments, and intrinsic motivation to help influence their children's behavior. Some of the tactics discussed were power assertion, love withdrawal, and value induction. Despite all three of these tactics being useful, the one thing that Dr. Mascolo claimed was the strongest motivating factor, was identity.
Dr. Mascolo said, "We are, in part, who we think we are. We are, in part, the mindset through which we view ourselves and the world."
He continued to explain how our motives and motivations come from our own personal identity of who we want to be.
This idea of identity brought me back to a recent observation of an interaction between my niece and her mother. My niece is five and has been expressing her independent side by insisting on dressing herself. This particular evening we were all going to see a play and her mother did not approve of the outfit my niece picked out. The power struggle ensued as her mother tried to convince her to change. However, my strong willed niece refused. She explained that she had picked out these clothes because she loved them and wanted to wear them out. After some compromising and tears, my niece, and her mother, were content on the outfit.
I bring up this incident because it was a clear moment when my niece was trying to express who she is. From the outside it seemed like a disobedient child looking for an argument, but in reality it was a child learning the boundaries between pleasing her parents, but holding on to her own identity.
Mentalhealth.net published an article Early Childhood Emotional and Social Development: Identity and Self Esteem by Angela Oswalt. Oswalt explained that, "By age 3, children have developed their Categorical Self, which is a concrete way of viewing themselves." Although the labels are concrete, this means that by age 3 children are already forming their own identity, and acting upon that identity.
Elements that can impact a child's development of identity are praise, temperament, the environment, and peers. To help a child build a positive self identity, creating a safe environment to experience successes and failures is very important.
To further this idea of motivating children based on their identity, Jennifer Nacif spoke on this exact idea in Houston.
So, my final thought on this idea of motivating my students and my own child, is to know them. Let their identity shine through and openly support that identity. Encourage the best self that they are and allow for expression. Know them.
